Verification can

> 2018 > wake up feeling sick after a late night of playing video games > excited to play some halo 2k19 > “xbox on” > … > “XBOX ON” > “Please verify that you are “annon332” by saying “Doritos™ Dew™ it right!” > “Doritos™ Dew™ it right” > “ERROR! Please drink a verification can” > reach into my Doritos™ Mountain Dew™ Halo 2k19™ War Chest > only a few cans left, needed to verify 14 times last night > still feeling sick from the 14 > force it down and grumble out “mmmm that really hit the spot” > xbox does nothing > i attempt to smile > “Connecting to verification server” > … > “Verification complete!” > finally > boot up halo 2k19 > finding multiplayer match… > “ERROR! User attempting to steal online gameplay!” > my mother just walked in the room > “Adding another user to your pass, this will be charged to your credit card. Do you accept?” > “NO!” > “Console entering lock state!” > “to unlock drink verification can” > last can > “WARNING, OUT OF VERIFICATION CANS, an order has been shipped and charged to your credit card” > drink half the can, oh god im going to be sick > pour the last half out the window > “PIRACY DETECTED! PLEASE COMPLETE THIS ADVERTISEMENT TO CONTINUE” > the mountain dew ad plays > i have to dance for it > feeling so sick > makes me sing along > dancing and singing > “mountain dew is for me and you” > throw up on my self > throw up on my tv and entertainment system > router shorts > “ERROR NO CONNECTION! XBOX SHUTTING OFF” > “PLEASE DRINK VERIFICATION CAN TO CONTINUE”

(“Verification Can” n.d.)

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