Tim Urban, (Urban 2023)


  • The baby may arrive earlier than planned; try to include Slack in your plans
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1. A newborn is not a baby

I thought it was gonna be like this:

But it’s actually like this:

4. Babies are incredibly overdramatic

When a normal person is hungry, or tired, or needs to burp, they’re a little annoyed. Babies are in Shakespearean agony. And then comes the burp and one second later they’re like “sup.” It’s insane behavior.

For a while, the range of baby emotion runs from Shakespearean agony to neutral, never entering the positive realm. Neutral is a newborn’s best-case scenario.

After six weeks or so, positive emotion begins to make an appearance, but then they still go apoplectic at the slightest inconvenience.

While we’re here, I know it’s bad but I can’t help it—crying babies are funny. My wife completely disagrees with me on this.

6. Babies shit all over your schedule

Obvious one, I know, but just check this out:

These are the sleep graphs of three different babies, but they all have one thing in common: there’s no rhyme or reason in the early months, because newborns are dicks.



jitney86. 2017. “Months 3 to 17 of My Baby’s Sleep and Breastfeeding Schedule [OC] (Data Collected Manually and Visualized in Excel).” Reddit Post. r/dataisbeautiful. August 6, 2017. www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/6s0ba9/months_3_to_17_of_my_babys_sleep_and/.
jiuguangw. 2019. “Visualization of Sleeping Patterns in a Newborn’s First Year [OC].” Reddit Post. r/dataisbeautiful. November 25, 2019. www.reddit.com/r/dataisbeautiful/comments/e1kg7t/visualization_of_sleeping_patterns_in_a_newborns/.
Johnson, Nicole. 2012. “Baby Sleep Pattern Charts – A Must-See For All Parents!” The Baby Sleep Site - Baby / Toddler Sleep Consultants. June 26, 2012. https://www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/baby-sleep-pattern-chart/.
Urban, Tim. 2023. “10 Thoughts From the Fourth Trimester.” Wait But Why. May 23, 2023. https://waitbutwhy.com/2023/05/baby.html.